Happiness is an inside job

MULLA Nasruddin, the old wise man of the village, was searching for something outside his house. Bent on his knees, he was fiddling with sand and dust. A passerby stopped and asked, "What are you looking for, sir?" I am looking for the needle. I have lost it somewhere", replied Mulla. Out of respect for Mulla, the person joined in the search. Gradually, a few more joined. Someone offered another needle, but Mulla declined. A great deal of search failed to yield any results. Tired of the fruitless search, one person asked, "Sir, where exactly was it lost?" "I lost it inside the house," came the reply. A bit surprised, the villager asked for the reason for searching it on the road. Mulla stopped, looked up, and said," My son, it is dark inside."

This example symbolises the eternal search for happiness, which we seek outside, though it has to come from within.

In the first century, a great philosopher said, "Men are disturbed not by the events but by the view they take of them." Ancient Indian philosophy also says that happiness is a state of mind. At one stage or another, most of us have heard these lines but ignore them as we genuinely believe they are irrelevant in the modern age where men have much to achieve in a competitive and challenging world. We have come to believe that high levels of stress, a constant race against time and increased dependence on medical intervention are given in this competitive era.

We condition ourselves to a belief system and draw a list of things essential for our happiness. Usually, we do not give any cognisance to those things which we already have. Our ego and desire do not permit us to appreciate that the things we possess have a place in the 'list of desires' drawn by somebody else. Once a long-cherished dream comes true, we delete it from 'my list' and add something new. We do not realise that the accomplishment of a dream has failed to bring us stable happiness. Happiness from a 'fulfilled desire' fades quickly, and another desire takes over. The cycle goes on like that. We quietly switch over to a new definition of happiness.

On the other hand, if our efforts fail to bring about the desired results, we feel miserable and dejected. Why is this so? We always seek joy as the outcome of our efforts but do not own up to sorrow. We fail to accept it as an integral part of the dynamics of life and the time cycle. Have you ever realised that whatever unhappiness we experience comes from the persons or objects that gave us delight? Khalil Gibran says, "Joy and sorrow are inseparable; Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily, you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that, in truth, you are weeping for which has been your delight. Your joy is your sorrow unmasked."

Positive and negative emotions are an integral part of human life. A balanced mix of positive and negative emotions energises you to do karma and helps to develop society. However, excessive positive or negative emotions often result in greed, anger, jealousy, fear, and depression. These responses result in unabated and undefined stress, the most devastating killer of the twenty-first century. Fulfilment of desire (not a need) is a package deal. When we get something, something else is withdrawn by nature. That is called balancing.

Nature has provided a 100-point package to everybody. To help understand this concept, let's assume that these 100 points can be divided into 4-5 sub-heads, such as family status, education, family life, wealth and health, etc. If the score under one sub-head is abnormally high, it will be deficient under another sub-head. For instance, wealthy people often have a deficit of health and appetite. People experiencing poverty are healthy but crave money and food.

We all keep complaining about our unfulfilled desires, oblivious of our blessings. We only realise the importance of such things when we are deprived of them. Once, I had to spend a whole night in severe cold on a railway platform. Past midnight, with a burning sensation in my eyes and an excruciating backache, I longed for the comfort of my warm bed at home. Since that day, whenever I cannot sleep at night, I thank God for giving me a comfortable bed, if not sleep.

Once, a journalist asked a philosopher about the happiest moment of his life. His reply was, "I wear size six shoes. Once, I spent the whole day in a size-five pair. The next day, when I stepped into my size six shoes, it was the happiest moment of my life." He hinted that we would not have time for complaints if we started counting our blessings.

Let us appreciate that very little is required for absolute and stable happiness. Instead of being thankful to the ultimate donor, we spend our lifetime pleasing people and seeking favours to ensure a life full of comfort. Others can give us pleasure but not happiness, pain but not suffering. Happiness or suffering is optional. Nobody can make us feel unhappy without our consent. If we want to remain happy, we must redefine the concept.